


Before The Drift

by UninspiredPoet



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grieving, Healing, Loss, Past Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-06 04:14:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17932631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninspiredPoet/pseuds/UninspiredPoet
Summary: How will Maiev cope with the loss of Cordana as the world teeters on the brink of destruction? And how will Delaryn cope with loving her?





	1. How Love Fled

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chibikotan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibikotan/gifts).



  
[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161614435@N03/40256868853/in/dateposted-public/)

_When You Are Old_  
_W. B. Yeats, 1865 - 1939_  
_When you are old and grey and full of sleep,_  
_And nodding by the fire, take down this book,_  
_And slowly read, and dream of the soft look_  
_Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;_

__

_How many loved your moments of glad grace,_  
_And loved your beauty with love false or true,_  
_But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,_  
_And loved the sorrows of your changing face;_

_And bending down beside the glowing bars,_  
_Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled_  
_And paced upon the mountains overhead_  
_And hid his face amid a crowd of stars._

Maiev’s lips shifted into a faint smile in response to the ghost of a touch along her face - tracing scars that had never been anything short of worshipped as well as lines of age that had never bothered her lover.

“Cordana…” She murmured - still half-asleep as she turned toward the touch and reached for her. 

Reached for nothing. 

She drew in a sharp breath as her eyes snapped open and she shot up in bed - the air cooling the sweat that glistened along the surface of her skin as her eyes went wild in panic. But only for a moment. 

It never took long to remember. She lifted a hand and touched her face where she’d been so sure she’d felt Cordana’s fingertips and slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed as she tried to stop the shivering that was threatening to take over her body. 

Only one thing helped. It had been a month. She’d thought she was ready to stop sleeping with it, but…

The Commander padded slowly across the floor of rooms she had once shared with Cordana towards a chest against a nearby and she knelt with a slight wince in response to the stiffness of her joints. But that simple discomfort didn’t keep her from her task. She was used to it. In short order, she had unlocked more ghosts than she had ever been prepared to deal with. 

But the feeling of fine, dark velvet beneath her fingertips as they found the bundle that was Cordana’s cloak resting over the top of her armor and various other personal effects eased the sting. Eased everything. 

She found herself on the floor with her knees drawn to her chest and her face buried in it as her shoulders tensed along with the rest of her body. She did her best to center. To breathe. She did her best to push the thoughts she wasn’t ready for from her head but her best wasn’t enough. It never was. 

_It’ll be gone someday, you know. Someday soon. Her smell. Her laughter. The way her hands felt on your skin and the way your name sounded on her lips._

She buried her face against it all the more deeply as she tried to remember. 

And for a while - she did. She remembered a time when Wardens had been people. When their armor had rested against their skin and Cordana had tended her wounds after battle. She could hear her. She could _hear_ her. 

_”Leading from the front is admirable, beloved. But your face would thank you to stop doing so quite so zealously.”_

_The salve soothed the burning of the split down her lip and jaw almost as much as the gentleness of Cordana’s voice and her touch did. She turned her tired eyes towards her lover and wrapped a hand around her wrist, stroking along it with her thumb until Cordana leaned down and kissed the side of her mouth that wasn’t injured - and then her cheek - and then over her eyes as they fell shut._

_“Do you mean to lecture me all evening or might I find relief in the warmth of your arms instead?” Maiev’s voice grated when she used it. It always had. And for centuries that roughness had been tempered by the smooth grace of Cordana’s tone. Of that delicate lilt and the richness of it._

_“Mm, we’ll see.” Cordana responded softly, turning Maiev’s head to the side carefully and brushing the backs of her fingers along her jaw before she dipped more salve onto her fingertips and ran some of the numbing, healing concoction down along her neck where there was a less severe cut._

_“Mean.” Maiev murmured quietly as she continued touching gently along her forearm while she worked._

_“Oh, my big strong warrior...so soft.” Cordana cooed as she put the lid back on the salve and reached over her to tie the flap of their tent shut. That done, she dismissed the light she’d been working by and slowly moved to lay down beside her on top of the wool blanket that covered her. “You’ll be alright once we get you back to the island and you can be healed. Your face, I’m not so sure.”_

_“Are you going to leave me, then? Now that I’m ruined?” Maiev asked with a weak chuckle, turning onto her side and moving until she could tuck her head beneath Cordana’s chin. The other woman gave her what she’d been needing almost immediately in response to the display - wrapping an arm around her and drawing her close._

_“Never.” She murmured into her greying hair, kissing it and squeezing her gently. “I would never.”_

“Maiev…” 

The Commander gasped sharply and turned her head as her ears flicked in response to the whispered call of her name - her eyes blurred and burning with unshed tears as she forced herself to her feet and dug her fingertips into the cloak she was clutching. 

She had to get out of this room.  
It was closing in on her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t very often Maiev wandered the halls without her armor or her uniform on. But she wasn’t so much wandering as panicking. Desperately clinging to reality in any way she could. Touching the walls she walked beside - digging her bare feet into the grates of the floor until it hurt. She was desperate. Her breaths were coming in quick, short bursts and her fingertips were tingling.

Perhaps this was it. The end. Perhaps her suffering was finally over. 

Images flashed through her mind. The cloak. The day she’d given it to Cordana. 

The magic was gone. All of it. There were no enchantments to keep her scent from fading. To preserve the clothes that had once adorned her body. It would all wither. Perhaps she would wither first. 

She didn’t want to exist in a world where she would outlive Cordana’s memory. 

She couldn’t. 

And now she couldn’t see. She couldn’t breathe. Every step was nearly a fall. She instinctively guided herself deeper into the compound - to places people rarely went. To be alone. 

 

When her knees hit the grates of the floor she didn’t feel the pain of the metal edges cutting into them. And as her fingers slipped into them - clutching desperately as they scraped at her forehead and she drew in breath after ragged breath - what little grasp on this world she had left began slipping. 

Delaryn nearly dropped her tool belt as she rounded the corner. She didn’t recognize the figure slumped to the floor in night clothes. But she didn’t need to. The woman was shaking uncontrollably - fighting to breathe. She needed help. 

She was on her knees next to her in seconds, reaching out to stroke over her back and draw her close only to find her completely rigid. Unmovable. God, how strong was she - to be able to stay there, curled up like that? 

“Hey...hey what’s going on? Let me help you. Talk to me. Do something. Do I need to go get a medic? I...I’ll be back. I’ll be back. Don’t move. Please.” 

The grip on her arm when she began to stand was enough to throw her off balance and she was glad for the pads she wore on her knees as they hit the floor. But the grip didn’t loosen. 

“Alright. Alright. I won’t go. But you’re gonna have to let me get you off the floor.” 

Slowly the hand around her arm went limp. It fell into her lap where the top half of her cover-alls were gathered. She’d just gotten done with a shift that had lasted all day and into the night. The Kaiju hadn’t relented as they’d grieved the loss of their second in command. If anything - it had gotten worse. And now that they were a full Warden short she’d been working double shifts to get more ready and prepare the ones that came back damaged. 

She looked down at that hand. At the heavy callouses and the strength in it. And then she reached for the other one - finding the fingertips that were curled down into the slots in the floor and guiding them out gently. “Alright.” She breathed. “I’m going to get you up, now, alright? Where’s your bunk at? Are you a pilot? A mechanic? Can you tell me your name?” 

But as she began the arduous process of untangling her from the floor and the ball she’d turned herself into she didn’t need a name. When the dim, greenish light filtering down the hallway cast across the heavily scarred face of Maiev Shadowsong - she felt her world go still. 

Fuck.

She looked around herself as her eyes widened and her ears shifted back. Fuck. No wonder she hadn’t let her get a medic. No wonder she’d found the loneliest place she could to break. And somehow still managed to have the willpower to stop her. To keep some form of control over the situation. 

“I’ve got you.” She whispered urgently, gathering the solid weight of her in her arms as best she could and pushing herself up onto her feet. 

_Fuck._

Dumb. Dumb little thoughts kept flitting through her mind as she moved through the back service corridors so they wouldn’t be seen. 

She was getting grease on what had to be some of the nicest material she’d ever felt. Heavy. Maiev was heavy. More than she looked. She could feel muscle unlike anything she’d ever felt before quivering where she held onto her. 

No, she didn’t need a name any longer. Everyone knew who Maiev Shadowsong was. Everyone had known for longer than she’d been alive. And Delaryn? Well. Delaryn had certainly known. She’d looked up to her for as long as she could remember. 

And everyone had been talking. About how she was handling things. About how she was still running this compound and organizing their defenses. Still piloting missions. Just days after Cordana’s death. 

Cold. Everyone thought she was cold. And perhaps everyone needed to continue thinking that. 

But the woman in her arms was anything but. She was broken. More broken than Delaryn had ever seen anyone be. 

She shifted the older woman’s weight against herself as she struggled to reach the entry badge that hung against her hip - nearly dropping her a time or two before she finally got it and gained entry into her rooms. She was worried. And the fact that Maiev hadn’t even tried to stop herself from falling didn’t help matters.

She made sure the door slid shut securely behind them and looked around the unfamiliar rooms - at the cloak laying in the middle of the floor - at the furniture in disarray save a small bunk-style bed not too far from the chest she could only imagine the garment she stepped over so carefully had come from. 

“Not your bedroom?” She asked - her voice trembling only slightly. 

She knew the layouts of these rooms well. Knew Maiev had quite a spacious living quarter and that her bedroom had more than ample space. She’d done a lot of the work in here, herself. Things were occurring to her too slowly. Of course not the bedroom. Of _course_ not the god damned bedroom. “I’m sorry.” She continued hurriedly, carefully lowering her onto the small bed and glancing down at the dark spots of blood seeping into her light colored pants from where her knees had ground too firmly into the grates. “I’m so sorry…” 

Perhaps the second apology wasn’t for the slip-up. 

Perhaps the second apology was for everything Maiev had given to protect them. For everything she was still giving. 

“I don’t know what to do.” She finally admitted as she began rolling Maiev’s pant legs up with trembling fingertips as her heart hammered in her ears. “I...no, I need to wash my hands. Wash my hands. Yeah. I’ll…” 

She trailed off as she looked up at Maiev - at the way she stared right through her - and decided to stop talking. 

She wished she had on normal clothing. She wished a lot of things as she found the bathroom and nearly jumped at the sight of her own reflection in glass that was ruined - shattered where it hung. It made lines in her reflection. Faux-scars in her unmarked face. 

It had taken her until that moment to realize the rooms weren’t a mess due to lack of tidiness. No, in fact - there wasn’t a single speck of dust. 

The rooms were a mess because Maiev had destroyed them, herself. 

This whole time - as she’d continued soldiering on - she’d been falling apart. 

A shuddering breath from the other room drew her from her thoughts and she looked into the living space over her shoulder to see Maiev bring a hand up to cover her own face. 

She washed her hands as quickly and thoroughly as she could and scrambled through the bathroom looking for clean cloths - for anything to care for her with. Once she was satisfied, she was back beside the bed, her dark hair hanging in her eyes and against her flushed cheeks as she started wiping the grime out of the wounds in the Commander’s knees. 

“Stop.” 

She did. Immediately. Every muscle in her body tense as she slowly - so, so slowly shifted her eyes so she could look at the older woman. 

“Get out.” 

She swallowed thickly as she stayed frozen, everything in her screaming at her to obey the order. Do as she says. Just go. You have no business in here - no business seeing this. Seeing her like this. This isn’t _for_ you.

“With all due respect, Commander...I..I don’t think I can do that right now.” She lowered her gaze immediately and her brow furrowed as her hand holding the cloth hovered over Maiev’s knee. There was already an apology waiting on her lips when Maiev managed to speak again. 

“So be it.” 

Try as she might she couldn’t help the quick exhale of relief that left her. Nor the nod that followed. “Just...just be still. Just let me help.” 

And she did. She got every speck of dirt out of the wounds and had them bandaged within moments and after that she moved around the rooms - picking up furniture that wasn’t ruined and moving what was to the door to be disposed of. But always with an eye on Maiev. Who had never stopped watching her. 

Who she watched shift uncomfortably against the thin mattress every time she neared the cloak or the chest. But she wouldn’t touch it. And when that was the only thing that was left she hovered near it, wiping the sweat from her brow that was more from nerves than exertion, and gesturing towards it carefully. 

“Do you...do you want this? Do you want to sleep with this?” She asked quietly and Maiev’s gaze finally moved from her to the discarded cloak. 

“No.” She whispered, shutting her eyes and looking away as Delaryn folded it carefully and approached the chest - purposely avoiding looking in it before she shut and latched it. 

When everything was tended to she moved back towards the bed and once again knelt beside it. It felt so strange to stand taller than her. This felt like the only option. 

“You’re excused from your duties tomorrow.” Maiev’s voice was weak. And she was so still. Her breathing was so shallow. “I trust I don’t need to impress upon you the importance of you not discussing me with anyone.”

“You don’t have to do this right now. You don’t have to be who you’re trying to be. It’s a little late for that.” She rested a hand on the edge of the bed almost touching Maiev’s. And it took every ounce of courage she had. “Do you want me to leave you alone? Will you be okay?” 

“You were a Sentinel.” Maiev murmured absently as her eyes fluttered and she looked up at the ceiling. “Before all this. Of Rank, if I recall. And now you are traipsing about my rooms half-dressed in coveralls and work boots smelling of grease.” 

Delaryn didn’t know if Maiev had meant for the words to sting. She tried not to let them. 

“It is funny how things change.” She continued - almost like she was speaking to no one at all. Half-aware of what she was saying. 

“I was injured.” Delaryn whispered quietly, her hand shifting on the bed. “I can no longer draw a bow. I...I assisted in the combat programming of the first Wardens. I helped build their systems. I don’t have to dress like this. I don’t have to do the work I do. I could be living in the engineers’ quarters getting good solid rest and never suffering another bloodied knuckle from a slipped wrench. But this is the life I choose. One of anonymity.” 

When she went to pull it away she found Maiev’s grasping it. Keeping it close. 

“I meant no offense.” Maiev reassured quietly. It was a tone Delaryn and probably few others had ever heard. “You needn’t leave if you’ve nowhere to be.” 

Delaryn felt her mouth go dry at the contact. At the gentle pull that came afterward. 

“Let...let me get my boots off, I…” She didn’t explain further. She just did her best to untie them taking into consideration how badly her hands were shaking. If Maiev were more aware of her surroundings right then she might have noticed. But she didn’t. She only felt the shift of weight on the mattress as Delaryn moved to sit next to her rather stiffly. 

“Do you often sleep like that?” She asked without looking at her. 

“No..what? No. I sleep laying down.” 

“Then lay down.” 

As she did as Maiev asked the Commander turned onto her side so that her back was facing her - the length of her body pressed to the side of Delaryn’s. 

“Do you want...do you want me to…”

“Yes.” 

Delaryn stayed where she was for a moment - nervously watching Maiev go still beside her before she carefully turned so she was almost pressed along her back. But she was careful. So incredibly careful. 

It wasn’t that she’d never been close to a woman. Gods, she’d lost count of how many times she’d been close to a woman.

This wasn’t just a woman. This wasn’t just some girl she met in the mess hall she was slowly wrapping an arm around. No, that would have been easy enough to tell just by how muscular the stomach beneath her splayed hand was. 

This wasn’t just some fellow Sentinal messing about with her in a tree somewhere at the edge of camp. 

And when they were both finally still - when she was holding Maiev against her chest and she was staring at the age-bleached hair on her pillow and the way her shirt hung from her broad shoulder - it occurred to her, perhaps in a different way than it had before, that this was also Maiev Shadowsong. 

That beneath all the pomp and circumstance she was just as lost as the rest of them. That beneath all that armor, sure, she was strong. Even for an elf. But she wasn’t particularly large. No, this woman was scarred and hurting and alone. And if she could have reached inside her in that moment and pulled the pain from her very being she would have. But at least she could feel that her breathing had returned to normal. Because her back was pressed against her chest. She could feel the tense muscles there gradually relaxing. 

Delaryn wondered idly how long it had been since she’d slept. And if she had - for how long at a time. How desperate must she be...to have her stay? How exhausted?

She didn’t mind. If this was what she could give her - just a straightening of her rooms and a few hours rest - she didn’t mind. Not at all. They were all in this together. They had to be.


	2. The More Loving One

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161614435@N03/40256868853/in/dateposted-public/)   
_The More Loving One_  
W. H. Auden, 1907 - 1973  
_Looking up at the stars, I know quite well_  
_That, for all they care, I can go to hell,_  
_But on earth indifference is the least_  
_We have to dread from man or beast._

_How should we like it were stars to burn_  
_With a passion for us we could not return?_  
_If equal affection cannot be,_  
_Let the more loving one be me._

_Admirer as I think I am_  
_Of stars that do not give a damn,_  
_I cannot, now I see them, say_  
_I missed one terribly all day._

_Were all stars to disappear or die,_  
_I should learn to look at an empty sky_  
_And feel its total dark sublime,_  
_Though this might take me a little time._

Delaryn had been sure she wouldn’t fall asleep. She’d tried so hard not to. But there was something about Maiev’s closeness and her warmth and she’d been working so hard for so long that she just...couldn’t stay awake.

And that made the regret of waking up alone that much greater. She knew it was early, yet. She could feel that much. And she couldn’t comprehend how Maiev had gotten up after what she’d been through the previous night and managed to be so silent about it. But then her senses certainly weren’t what they used to be. 

She climbed out of the bed and looked around herself in a bit of a daze, replaying the events of the previous evening in her mind before she made her way towards the door and let herself out. She’d done everything she could. And that would have to be enough. The rest...the rest she would just have to find a way to leave in the past. A memory. A secret. 

But the feeling of Maiev’s fingers twining with her own at some point during the night as she’d held her just wouldn’t go away. And over the course of the following weeks it only seemed to get worse. She found herself wandering that same hallway some nights on the off chance Maiev might need her again. Might come looking for her. To talk. Or for anything at all. How was it possible to spend one night with someone...one awful, heart-wrenching night, and yet still miss them? Still lay awake at night worrying about them? More importantly - how was it possible that that person was Maiev?

Her thoughts were headed down that dangerous slope again tonight as she made her way towards her room. The wing she’d chosen to take up residence in was largely empty and she’d had to do a lot of the work on it herself. But it was quiet. Secluded. And she’d been so very grateful for that as of late. 

She felt more than heard a presence behind her. She knew how places felt. She always had. And she knew when she wasn’t alone. When she turned - she did it slowly - her expression even and careful as her eyes searched the dimly lit walkway until they landed on Maiev. She looked so different like this. In her uniform with her jacket on and her hair pulled back away from the angular features of her face. She might have been intimidating if it weren’t for the look in her eyes as she spoke. 

“Do you...have company? Tonight? Permanently? I don’t mean to intrude.” She was so stiff. So formal. Like she was another person entirely. 

“You aren’t intruding. I almost never have company.” Delaryn responded quietly as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder and waited for Maiev to continue. But she didn’t. She just glanced away and looked almost as though she was considering retreating before Delaryn continued hurriedly. “Do you want to talk? I...I’m not sure what’s going on here. My room’s just ahead if you just needed to get away. I’m fine with whatever it is that you decide.”

Maiev didn’t move until Delaryn finally relented and turned to make her way further down the hall. She didn’t look back at her. She could tell she was following and she was terrified she was going to do or say the wrong thing. So she just opened her door and stepped inside. The relief she felt wash over her when she saw Maiev removing her jacket from the corner of her eye was almost palpable as she put her bag down just inside the door. 

“I don’t have a shower or anything, here. Never got around to working on that. I just finished washing up in the locker rooms. So I can’t offer you that...just about all I can offer you is some tea or perhaps something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” Maiev responded simply as she pulled her jacket off completely to reveal the shirt she wore beneath it. She glanced around for somewhere to put it and Delaryn hurried to take it from her, finding one of the few chairs she had in the place and hanging it on the back. 

“Then…” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and sighed rather helplessly after a while, making her way over to the older woman and stopping a few inches away from her. “Can you talk? Can you just talk to me - tell me what you need? What you came here for?”

Maiev’s ears lowered in a way that was barely perceptible. But Delaryn was so on edge the message came across as though it were reporting through a loudspeaker. 

“I didn’t come here to talk.” She finally responded, lifting her hands to start unbuttoning the shirt she always wore under her high-collared coat. As she began pulling it from her arms Delaryn was gladder now than ever she’d been that she was no longer as young as she used to be. She’d never seen Maiev like this. Even in her night clothes, her arms had been covered. She had to stop herself from audibly clearing her throat once the shirt was removed. The removal of two articles of clothing seemed to have changed everything. The dog tags hanging against her chest and the way her muscles shifted beneath her skin as she tossed the shirt on top of the jacket was almost overwhelming. 

“Commander…” She lifted her eyes back to the older woman’s as she crossed her arms over her stomach in an effort to keep herself still. 

“Maiev.” She corrected, though she wasn’t looking at Delaryn. Rather - at the floor beneath her boots. “What happened the other night…” 

“I’m sorry. I overstepped. I shouldn’t have gotten into your bed.”

“Can we do that again?” 

Delaryn must have run a thousand possible responses through her head over the course of the next breath or two that she took instead of actually speaking. But she chose none of them. Instead, she reached for Maiev’s hand carefully and took it in her own, guiding her across her room towards the bed on the far side of it and sitting her down on the edge of it so she could kneel in front of her and start unlacing her boots. 

Much to her surprise, Maiev allowed all of it. And once she had her own much more utilitarian footwear discarded beside the Commander’s she sat down beside her. “Lights out soon.” She announced to no one in particular - and almost as if on cue, the lights began to dim slowly - giving the inhabitants of the compound time to get situated for the night. 

She cleared her throat when the rather ridiculous attempt at small talk hadn’t exactly sparked a flame of conversation and sighed quietly. “I know you aren’t okay. I know that would be a ridiculous thing to ask. But at least tell me you’ll survive this. Tell me if there’s anything I can do. I...I can’t stop thinking about...you know. Just everything that happened that night. I can’t stop worrying about you. I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried.” 

“I’ll come to you when I need to.” Maiev responded simply - still sounding guarded and slightly cool. 

But it was more than Delaryn had to work with before. 

“Does that mean you needed to tonight?” She asked - affecting a much gentler tone as she moved closer now so that their legs were touching. 

Maiev nodded softly and turned her head away from Delaryn as her hands found the edge of the bed and gripped it. 

“It’s okay.” She whispered almost instantly, reaching for her and pausing for a split second before she finally touched her. One hand slid across her back and the other hovered along the side of her face as she guided her as lightly as she could to lean against her. 

She was surprised for what felt like the hundredth time that night as Maiev turned to her as soon as she touched her. Buried her face against her shoulder. Released a breath that seemed to shake her whole body. 

Finally, Delaryn’s hand found her jawline, stroking along it and up into what hair wasn’t currently tied, tangling in it as she sat with the older woman in her arms. “Whatever you need.” She whispered. “I’m here. Sleep? I know you’re tired, Maiev. I know you are.” 

By the time the lights were out, Delaryn had managed to get them both under the covers - laying with herself between Maiev and the door. It just felt right. Like the right thing to do. To keep her safe, somehow. Once again, she found the older woman turning over. Pressing back into her. 

And this time when she slid a hand over her side she felt Maiev’s fingers against her own as soon as it went still. “Are you going to be here in the morning?” She asked quietly, stroking along what little of Maiev’s stomach she could reach with her thumb. 

“I don’t know.” Maiev replied - though her tone was less forced. Less schooled, now. Bordering on vulnerable. 

“That’s okay, too.” Delaryn’s response came with a light touch of her fingertips in the older woman’s hair. “Is this okay?” 

Maiev’s eyes fluttered shut and her brow furrowed in response to the touch. She’d gone to sleep in Cordana’s arms every night for centuries. Every night since she’d died had felt like it stretched into an eternity. This wasn’t the same. Not at all. It was completely different. But she wasn’t alone. And she knew she could trust Delaryn. She’d waited over a month to see if any rumors would surface. A month of wishing she could have this small moment of relief again. Of just feeling even slightly safe in someone’s arms even as guilt threatened to eat her alive. But she hadn’t heard so much as a peep. The usual. She was a figurehead. A symbol. And symbols didn’t have feelings. They didn’t hurt. They didn’t get tired. They needed to be just that - something to look to during times of weakness. Not something to gawk at. 

But, no. Delaryn hadn’t said anything. Her informants had told her as much in the fact that their reports had stayed largely the same. 

“It’s fine.” She breathed, the words turning into a quiet murmur of a noise as Delaryn pulled untied the leather holding it up loose and reached over to her bedside table to place it there for the morning. She took her time stroking Maiev’s hair - shifting so it could rest between them and the pull of having it up would be gone for the night. “Thank you.” 

“I just assumed you slept with it down. That you would be more comfortable. That’s all.” 

“I do. That isn’t why I’m thanking you.” 

Delaryn was quiet as she waited for her to elaborate - her hand still over the Commander’s hair as Maiev tightened her hold on the one resting across her middle. 

“Thank you for not telling anyone what happened. I don’t want to talk about it. But thank you.” 

“Of course.” Delaryn murmured, glancing down at the shoulder that was currently so close to her. She thought about kissing it. But it was only a thought. “Do you...is there anything that you like that would help you rest?” Tentatively - she ran her fingers into the older woman’s hair to stroke idly along her scalp. 

“That.” Maiev breathed as her eyes shut and she allowed herself to lean back against Delaryn while at the same time pulling her head away slightly. But only to give her room to continue what she was doing. 

“Are you sure?” Delaryn asked - and the thought from earlier became more than just a thought as she pressed a kiss to the strip of fabric that would keep her lips from touching Maiev’s skin. 

“And that.” 

Delaryn swallowed thickly when she found her mouth suddenly dry and only the sound of her fingertips drawing soothing lines along Maiev’s scalp could be heard. That and their breathing. 

She took the hand that was currently holding her own and lifted it, drawing it to her lips and brushing the lightest kiss she could muster across Maiev’s scarred knuckles before her arm was back around her again. “Go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. And if I don’t see you in the morning - you know where to find me when you need to.” 

Maiev didn’t respond. But Delaryn felt the tightening of the older woman’s hand around hers and she stayed awake until the grip finally relaxed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They rarely spoke anymore. And Delaryn rarely found her mind on anything aside from her. At least once a week, now, she would go to sleep holding Maiev and wake up alone. She didn’t even shut her door until she slept - just in case Maiev wandered down her hall and into her bed.

Tonight had been no different. Not at first, anyway. Maiev had stepped through her door and shut it. But that’s where the familiarity ended. She hadn’t come any closer. Delaryn bridged the distance for her, of course - worry tainting her features as she stood before her. “Come to bed.” She whispered - trying and failing to catch Maiev’s gaze with her own. 

“Talk to me.” She urged softly. “Tell me you’re okay.” 

Delaryn looked her over more carefully, then. For wounds. For anything at all that might have been out of place. But all she saw was the way her fingertips trembled where they hung. 

“Make me okay.” 

Her eyes snapped up at that - her lips parted in an unspoken question as her mind worked overtime to analyze what was happening. “Maiev...you know I can’t do that.” She finally breathed - though the regret in her tone was palpable. 

The Commander moved closer, then, and reached for one of Delaryn’s hands. Looking down at her palm and running her fingertips along the lines of her palm before she guided it up along the side of her own neck. “Just for a little while, then.” Maiev responded - her voice heavy with emotion and need. 

Delaryn released a soft breath at the feeling of her neck beneath her fingertips and ran her thumb slowly across the front of the older woman’s throat. “What are you asking of me?” She asked as Maiev’s skin passed beneath her touch and shifted when she swallowed against it. 

“Please don’t make me say it.” 

“Okay.” 

It was as simple as that. 

Delaryn had promised her anything. She’d meant it. And regret was the furthest thing from her mind as she lead Maiev to her bed and sat her down on the edge of it. They undressed each other in a way that was almost mechanical. Delaryn forced herself to keep her breathing steady as she stood in front of the older woman - watching while her eyes roved over her body before finding her face. They weren’t that much different in size, really. Delaryn was just much slimmer. She still had the body of a Sentinal even after all these years. And Maiev had always had the body of a warrior. 

But that didn’t matter to Delaryn. She was attractive. Of course, she was attractive. But this was about Maiev. Not her own feelings. Her own wants. Her needs. 

And that’s what she kept telling herself as she lowered the other woman onto the bed beneath herself, spreading her legs with her hips and finally touching her side - sliding her hand up it slowly and bringing it back down the front of her. Her fingertips grazed over the curve of her breast and dipped along ridges of muscle in her abdomen as she looked down at her. She could at least allow herself that. 

She tossed her head and lifted a hand to guide her dark hair behind one of her ears - leaning her head to the side slightly to keep it there as she brushed her lips along Maiev’s jaw and settled down against her. “Do you want me to kiss you?” She asked in a breathless whisper when the Commander’s hips flexed against her own. “..Can I?”

For the first time, Maiev touched her in return. And the feeling of the warmth of her hand along the side of her face - of deft fingertips playing against her ear as it slid higher - released a heaviness she hadn’t been aware she was carrying. 

There was no answer. Not a verbal one, anyway. Just Maiev tilting her chin up slightly to brush Delaryn’s lips with her own.  
It lit a fire between them. A fire that wouldn’t be stopped. That threatened to consume them both. 

Delaryn had wondered how that scar would feel in a kiss more than once. Almost every time Maiev fell asleep before her lately. She wondered if she would be able to feel it. And she could. A slight break in the smooth silk that was Maiev’s mouth. 

And as much as she wanted to keep kissing her - she knew enough to know how antsy the older woman was. It read plainly in the way she shifted beneath her and the way she shook every time Delaryn’s hand stroked over her breast and her fingers found her nipple. 

So she lowered herself between Maiev’s legs and made good on her end of the agreement. 

She did make her okay. For a while. 

She buried herself between her legs with unbridled devotion and Maiev grabbed fistfuls of her hair to keep her there. She drew her first orgasm from her with just her tongue - flicking against her clit. And then she pressed a finger into her while she was still shaking from the aftershocks. 

Delaryn hadn’t expected her to be so wet. But she was. And it made her moan against her - a low, deep, shuddering sound as she began thrusting into her, stretching her with a second finger as she lifted her upper body onto one arm to allow herself to move. 

Maiev wasn’t a particularly loud lover. She communicated mostly in breaths and touches and Maiev committed them to memory. Each new gasp and soft grunt was a new clue - a new word, as it were. To the language she suddenly found herself starving for. 

The quivering of her thighs returned and Delaryn whimpered quietly - a sound that caused Maiev’s grip on her hair to tighten. A sound that earned her another raspy, quiet moan that came with her next orgasm. 

And a sudden, jarring shift of their positions. 

She was moved onto her back as though she weighed no more than a feather. Strong thighs parted her own and sharp fangs found the side of her neck - nearly breaking the skin at first, they were so eager to be buried in it. 

Maiev wasted no time. And Delaryn hissed sharply as she found a hand beneath the bed and the back of her head - gripping her hair so tightly she couldn’t have moved if she tried. 

Maiev faltered - her fingertips having just begun to enter her. But they stayed there. Her hand loosened slightly in Delaryn’s hair. 

“Don’t stop.” The younger woman breathed, stroking through Maiev’s hair and turning her head to kiss her temple. “I don’t want you to stop.” 

She knew she was going to be sore in the morning. She could _feel_ the aggression - the hurt - balking against Maiev’s carefully put together exterior. She just didn’t care. 

It wasn’t long before she was muffling her cries against the other woman’s shoulder as she dug her nails into her back - though she was careful not to drag them. She didn’t usually relinquish this much control. Her lovers weren’t usually so rough. But the frantic panting and occasional unintelligible murmur against her ear coupled with the wet sounds of Maiev’s fingers thrusting into her would have been impossible not to find enjoyable. At least for her. 

She hadn’t expected to like this. To like giving herself so completely - so freely. But she did. And she was pleading against Maiev’s shoulder - darkened with bruises from her own teeth. Pleading for more. For her to keep going. And Maiev seemed determined to do just that. Even after she came. But she slowed then. Pressing her palm against Delaryn and shifting it in slow, firm circles as she curled her fingers inside her strongly. Delaryn wasn’t sure if she’d ever regain full use of her eyesight. Everything was a blur as she began to come down yet again. 

But the shaking in Maiev’s arms - the trembling in her muscles - forced her back into reality. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked in a breathless whisper as Maiev tried and failed to push herself up. 

She turned them over when Maiev collapsed against her, shifting to straddle her hips as she looked down at her and pushed her wet hair from her face. Too wet. Especially for someone like her. “Are you okay?”

Maiev opened her eyes and shut them quickly against the spinning of her head and nodded weakly. 

“I’m sorry.” Delaryn murmured as she pressed their foreheads together and then kissed her cheek and her temple, unbothered by how damp her skin was. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

“I’m fine.” Maiev breathed in response, too drained to do much else. And angry with herself. For everything. 

“I forgot you went out today.” Delaryn continued, leaning over her to retrieve the shirt she’d just put on to sleep in before Maiev had gotten to her room that night. She used it to wipe her face and her chest carefully - her brow furrowed in concern. “I didn’t know. You never talk to me. I didn’t know it was this...this bad...I just-”

“Stop.” 

She did. And Maiev lifted a hand to take the shirt from her and allow it to fall on the floor beside the bed. 

“I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have put this on you. And you shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” 

Delaryn pulled away gradually until she was sitting next to where Maiev was laying - still breathing heavily - and she stroked across her chest more to feel her heart than anything else. The way it raced scared her. 

“You didn’t put anything on me that I didn’t welcome.” 

Maiev finally managed to focus in response to that admission - finally managed to really look into Delaryn’s eyes, though her own nearly fluttered shut when Delaryn began stroking her cheek, trailing the side of her thumb across the scars there. “I can’t give you what you want.” Maiev’s voice was so quiet there was almost no grit in it. “I can’t give you anything.”

“I don’t need anything from you, Maiev.” Delaryn responded simply. “If this is all this ever is...so be it. ‘More’ wasn’t part of the bargain. All I want is to make this easier for you. For however long you need it.” 

Delaryn hadn’t prepared herself for how those words would feel coming out of her mouth.

They felt like a lie. 

They were.


	3. The Darken'd Veil

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161614435@N03/40256868853/in/dateposted-public/)

_“Oh could I raise the darken’d veil”_  
Nathaniel Hawthorne  
 _Oh could I raise the darken’d veil,  
Which hides my future life from me,  
Could unborn ages slowly sail,  
Before my view—and could I see  
My every action painted there,  
To cast one look I would not dare.  
There poverty and grief might stand,  
And dark Despair’s corroding hand,  
Would make me seek the lonely tomb  
To slumber in its endless gloom.  
Then let me never cast a look,  
Within Fate’s fix’d mysterious book._

Maiev thought for a long time as she stared up at the ceiling and listened to Delaryn’s quiet, even breathing from next to her. She thought about how she shouldn’t be doing this. How it should have been her - not Cordana. How she didn’t deserve to be laying here draped in warmth when her lost love was…

She swallowed past the lump in her throat as tears burned her eyes and the hitch in her breath caused her to go especially still - making absolutely sure Delaryn wouldn’t wake. Whether it was the right one to come to or not - the conclusion she reached was it was best that she leave. Why, then, did it feel so wrong? 

She removed herself from Delaryn’s loose hold so carefully. Stopped every time she seemed to stir. Looked down at her as she sat on the edge of the bed. 

What business did she have, being here? Delaryn was so young. To her, at least. So beautiful. And so painfully giving. At least if they kept it simple, Maiev could give as much as she took. 

And the best way to keep things from becoming complicated was to refuse to acknowledge them. 

But before she left she ghosted her lips in the lightest of kisses against the corner of the former Sentinal’s mouth. And she lingered. Lingered for far too long at her door. She didn’t _want_ to leave. She didn’t _want_ to keep punishing herself. 

She just had no choice. 

Delaryn had thought this morning would be easier. She had thought she’d been telling herself the truth the night before. That she could live with whatever this was - that it wouldn’t bother her. But as she pulled the sheets around herself and held them close - and as the ghosts of Maiev’s touches made themselves known in the sweetest of aches - she knew. She knew it was too late for all that, now. 

She knew she loved her. She knew she fucked up. 

And she just kept right on fucking up. 

Sometimes Maiev waited until she was asleep to leave. Sometimes she left right away. It all depended upon her mood on any given night. And nothing Delaryn did ever made her stay. ...And she would never ask for it. 

And so everything remained the same. On paper, anyway. Some nights were different. Some nights she found Maiev desperately needing to submit to her. To let everything go. On those nights - she held her afterward. She kissed her. And it was the nights like that that made the mornings after so much worse.   
When she had to lay alone before the breakfast tone sounded through the comm system of the compound and remember what it had been like to look into Maiev’s eyes and feel like something had finally shifted. To feel like what she felt was being mirrored in the looks the older woman gave her. 

Neither of them ever said the words. Or much of anything, really. 

They just went about their lives and found one another in the night. But only when Maiev came looking. It was almost an unspoken rule, now. 

And the longer it went on the harder it became. Every time the call went out for pilots to launch an attack or defense it got worse. 

She wondered if whatever night was the last time she would have gotten to touch her. To hear her heartbeat - to hold her. 

She’d been hard at work with the engineers after every major repair. Desperately finding a way to make sense of what they were trying to do. 

Solo piloting was losing them far more than it was gaining them. And it was taking a toll on the aging elves that went out nearly every day, now. They had to find a way to split the burden. The possibilities would be limitless if they could only manage to do that. 

And Delaryn had come up with an idea. She was just having a hell of a time getting anyone to listen to her about it. Not that they didn’t think it was brilliant...but that it might kill whoever tested it. And there weren’t many volunteers. 

It was during one of these meetings that something finally _did_ change. A terrible change. 

“Del - I know you’ve already worked today, but we’ve got a rather important Warden down for the count as far as I can tell and I need a second opinion.” 

She placed her pencil down slowly and shifted her gaze carefully to the doorway as the color drained from her face. 

“Whose Warden?” She asked carefully - keeping her voice low and even. 

“Commander Shadowsong. She’s in the med bay. They say she’s going to pull through but the Warden...I’m not so sure. If you have a few could you take a look? 

“ _Fuck_.” The curse was spat with nothing short of panic as she pushed herself from the desk - ignoring the fact that her foot had caught against one of its legs and sent it crashing to the ground in her wake as she rushed from the room and tore down the corridors to the medical unit. 

Everyone was talking about it. The news had spread like wildfire while she’d been buried in her work. She could feel her ears burning as she pushed past gatherings of people talking about their Commander. _Her_ Commander. 

She was in a panic by the time she snatched the entry badge from her belt and stormed into the room. “Where is she?” She demanded - her eyes wild and full of challenge. 

“Summermoon, I don’t know who you’re referring to, but you can’t just barge in after hours and-”

“Maiev.” Her voice had risen. She was nearly yelling as she brushed past the former Healer in charge of the unit and began looking in the various beds lining the wall. “Where is _Maiev_?!”

She reeled on the woman who had followed her and found shock on her unfamiliar face. No one used her name like that anymore. No one dared. 

“If you don’t take me to her I will tear this whole unit apart - consequences be damned. If you have a problem with it - you can tell her, yourself, when we get there. Let her court marshal me for all I care. Just fucking take me to her.” She faltered slightly, then. Her heart was beating so heavily it ached in her chest and her eyes were glistening behind their glow with tears that didn’t fall. “Please.” 

Without another word - the woman did as Delaryn demanded. Taking her past stunned onlookers being treated for minor injuries to a private room at the end of the hallway. 

“Commander, my apologies. This one demanded she be taken to you. I tried to-”

“Del.” 

Delaryn had been standing in the doorway stunned until that familiar rasp met her ears. Stunned at the sight of Maiev - bandages holding her arm across her chest. Wrapped around her torso tightly to keep everything still. Her pants and her boots were still on. Blood still stained them near her waistband just below where the bandages ended. 

But when Maiev croaked her name her feet moved of their own accord. “Maiev.” She whispered breathlessly as she sped her steps until she was on her knees beside the small, low bed, one hand grasping the edge of it as the other hovered over her bandages and tears burned trails down her cheeks. 

This time, it was Maiev that reached for her. Pulled her against her chest and murmured against her ear as she stroked her hair. Nothing in particular. Just her name, mostly. Gentle reassurances as her sobs shook the bed. It hurt. She didn’t care. 

“What happened?” Delaryn finally gasped against her shoulder as she leaned over her almost protectively - careful not to put any weight on her. 

“Shifts are getting thin. I’m deploying too much. I was tired. Sloppy.” She whispered, her hand moving less frequently over Delaryn’s hair, now. 

“Just a dislocated shoulder. Some cuts. I’m all stitched up. I’ll be on my feet in no time. They still have some tricks up their sleeves.” 

“There’s another way.” Delaryn murmured as she buried her face against the side of Maiev’s neck which allowed the Commander to see the healer still standing in the doorway - her hands loose at her sides and her eyes wide. 

“Privacy for your Commander?” 

The resulting scramble to leave and shut the door might have been hilarious were the situation not so serious. 

“Give me time. We’ve almost got it figured out.” 

“We don’t have time, Del.” Maiev breathed as her eyes slipped shut. 

Delaryn pulled away from her, then. And Maiev’s eyes opened when she did. 

She’d never seen anyone look so wounded. 

“I’m not just going to watch you _die_.” Her voice was quiet. Trembling. 

“Even if all you ever plan to do is show up on my doorstep when you need to be _fucked_ \- I’m not just going to watch you die.”

“Delaryn…” Maiev tried to lift herself. To reach for her. She tried. 

“Don’t come to me. I’ll come to you. I’ll come to you when I’ve worked it all out. And you’re going to listen to what I have to say. And you are _not_ getting back in that Warden. I’ll see to that. Do you understand?” 

She’d stood as she spoke. Her voice was low and there was something almost dangerous in it. Something fierce. Something Maiev could no longer avoid.   
“I understand.” She responded quietly. 

Delaryn ignored how stung she looked. Maiev had ignored plenty. And she had work to do. 

She left. 

It was easy to keep Maiev out of a Warden that wasn’t operational. And it was easy to shift labor around to work on their latest build. A two-pilot system. Twice the size of anything they’d produced so far. The first of what would become many. It was just that none of them knew that yet. 

Maiev didn’t come to her room. She stayed away. And it was killing them both. But Delaryn needed the time. She needed the time to focus and rest when she could. 

It wasn’t until they had the first prototype dual system ready that she made her way towards Maiev’s rooms. 

She knocked, of course. And the sound of Maiev’s voice through the two-way comm threatened to break her. 

“State your business.” 

“An audience with the Commander regarding a new development, please.” 

The line went dead and she stood there for a while wondering what Maiev was thinking on the other side of the door - because she could hear that she wasn’t moving. 

And then it opened. 

“Come in.” 

“I would prefer to discuss this with you where I can properly show you what I mean.” Delaryn responded simply - trying and failing to keep the emotion from her voice.

“Of course.” 

Maiev slid her jacket on immediately and followed behind Delaryn while she was still buttoning it. With Delaryn unwilling to make any moves - to bring anything up at all - Maiev was at a loss. She fell into habit. Routine. She was the Commander. Sitting in the drafting room staring at an odd contraption being explained to her in detail she only half understood. 

“So you’re saying the problem is you can’t get anyone to test it.” 

“That’s...yes. That’s what I’m saying.” She released a breath - unbelievably relieved Maiev didn’t discard what she’d told her entirely. “Everyone is scared of it. Scared it would be too much to handle. It’s one thing to meld with a Warden...it’s another to meld with another person first. It’s uncharted territory. We don’t know what would happen. We don’t know the ramifications of it.” 

“I’ll do it.” 

Delaryn was stunned. Utterly silent for a long time. How could she argue with that? Maiev had been the driving force for her behind this project. Finding a way to make her safer out there. 

“It...it would have to be with someone you have…We believe the best hope we have of whoever does it surviving it would be if they were connected somehow. Siblings. Something of that nature.” 

“What about lovers?” She asked after thinking it over for a moment. 

To say she’d caught Delaryn off guard would have been a terrible understatement. 

“But who-”

“You.”

Delaryn had to sit down in response to that. And she stayed seated as Maiev looked over the reports that had been placed in front of her for a while before stacking them neatly and standing. 

“Tomorrow, then? I’m aware that it’s ready right now - but we will need the team handy to record findings and attempt to pull us if things go south.” 

“Yes, Commander. Tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow, then.” 

She’d been alone for a long while when she finally managed to stand. She made her way back to her rooms in a daze that hadn’t lifted much by the next day. 

She was nervous. Terribly so. It wasn’t as big a production as it might have been if they were also going to drift with a Warden...but it was damn sure big enough. The room they’d moved their project to was alive with rushed, excited activity all around them. But they just sat across from one another quietly - their fingertips just barely touching. 

“Neural handshake commencing.” 

Delaryn wondered how she’d missed the countdown. And she watched as Maiev’s eyes shut before her own followed suit. 

Neither of them had known what to expect. 

But Delaryn hadn’t been prepared to watch the death of Cordana Felsong through Maiev’s eyes. 

She felt every emotion. The utter anguish. It was hell. And she was trapped. 

Maiev was worlds away. Witnessing her own tragedy. The one that would end her career as a Sentinal. 

She’d been the last standing of her unit as Kaiju destroyed Teldrassil. The Wardens hadn’t made it in time and her troops had been demolished - breaking themselves against infallible creatures that were more monster than animal. 

Maiev saw her own Warden come into view as Delaryn moved to make a final charge and was flung from her feet by a blow that would have killed a lesser soldier. But all it did was cripple her. 

Maiev, herself, had stopped the monster from ending her life. 

She’d never known. 

Their memories began to twist and turn - quickly, then slowly. Back and forth. 

Until they were drawn towards fresher ones. 

Ones that hurt them both almost as much as more gruesome ones as they lived through them - watching through each other’s minds. 

_Maiev cringed as the door slid shut behind her. She stood there for what felt like hours. Anguishing over leaving her. She didn’t want to. She wanted to stay there in her arms. She wanted to hold her in return. To wake up next to her - to kiss the sleep from her eyes and whisper how she loved her. How she needed her._

_But she didn’t._

_She never did._

_A hundred nights of the same. The same solitary walk to her rooms. The same tears when she was finally alone._

_Sometimes silent ones. Sometimes deafeningly loud, bitter sobs that shook her entire body._

_She missed Delaryn desperately whenever she wasn’t near her. And yet she kept herself away. And she hated herself all the more for it._

_It was eating her alive._

_And when she couldn’t take it anymore she would return. She would return - and then she would go. Because that’s what was best. That’s what was safest._

_For Delaryn._

_Because everything she touched - everything she had ever loved - withered to dust._

_And gods, did she love her._

_But she couldn’t let her know._

_She could never know. That was the only way to keep her safe._

“The readings...they’re…”

“It was successful.”

“But...how can they...these numbers...we have to pull them out.”

“No.”

The Chief Engineer poured over the readings coming from the analyzer the device was feeding into. 

“There’s something happening. If we pull them out now...the risk would be greater than if we let this...whatever this is...burn itself out.”

_Delaryn pressed her forehead against the door. She’d been awake this time. She just hadn’t let on._

_Even half-asleep this had stung. This time had felt so different. It had been so real. They’d lain in one another’s arms afterward. They’d kissed languidly and then Maiev had run her fingertips over her back in slow, lazy patterns as she drifted in and out of slumber._

_It had been different._

_That thought repeated in her mind as she sank to her knees and curled against herself - holding herself for a moment before she slammed her palm into the door._

_“Fuck you.”_

_Those words had felt terrible leaving her mouth. She regretted them even though Maiev was far too long gone to have heard them._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_And she was._

_She was so incredibly sorry that she wasn’t enough. That she would never be enough._

_“Delaryn.”_

_She gasped sharply as she turned and pressed her back against the still shut door - staring up at Maiev as she stood before her in the suit she’d been wearing...the suit she was still wearing._

_The expression on the Commander’s face was unreadable._

_But when she reached out her hand to her - she took it. Without question. Without hesitation._

Both their eyes opened at once. They were gripping each other’s hand so tightly it hurt...but they didn’t let go. 

And though the mood in the room bordered on celebratory - it was subdued. They just looked at one another as various instruments were removed from their bodies. 

Maiev stroked Delaryn’s hand with her thumb after a while and a nearby engineer cleared her throat quietly. “We can finish up here. We have what we need. More than enough to go over for one day. The rest can be recorded tomorrow if you would rather wait, Commander.” 

“I would.” She responded simply. “I would rather wait.” 

Once they were outside, Maiev reached for the back of Delaryn’s neck and pulled her into her arms so tightly there was no getting away. 

Delaryn didn’t want to get away.

She never had. 

And she certainly didn’t now. 

“Come to my rooms.” Maiev murmured into her hair as Delaryn clutched at her suit against her back and nodded. 

“Stay the night.” 

She pressed closer to the older woman to muffle the sob that came from her despite how she tried to force it back down. 

“Please.”

“Yes.” Delaryn managed to gasp out against her as one of her hands came up to press between her shoulder blades before she hooked her fingers in the back of her collar. “Yes.”


	4. Slowly, Slowly

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161614435@N03/40256868853/in/dateposted-public/)

  
The door slid shut and they were alone. Alone in Maiev’s rooms for the first time since the only other time. The first night - the night Delaryn had carried her to bed and held her while she slept. 

The first morning she’d woken up without her after falling asleep with her. 

And that solitary thought caused her to pause - Maiev coming to a stop a step or two ahead of her and turning to look at her - the question obvious in her eyes. 

“Are we going to talk?” Delaryn asked quietly as Maiev stepped close to her again, lifting a hand and trailing her fingertips over her brow before she drew her hair behind her ear and ran her thumb along the underside of it. 

“I’m terrible at talking, Del.” Maiev murmured in response as she leaned in to press their foreheads together. 

“What do you want from me?” 

The question might have sounded accusatory coming from anyone else. But the gentleness - the softness in Delaryn’s voice when she asked it made it anything but. 

“I want you to stay.” The response was made all the more real when Maiev pressed her lips against the younger woman’s - stroking down the side of her neck and then curling the backs of her fingers to slip them up the front of her throat until she was tilting her chin up. 

“I know you do.” Delaryn breathed against her lips, reaching for her wrist to wrap a hand around it tightly. “But for how long? Until you’re done? Until you’ve had your fill...until morning?”

“Always.” 

Delaryn hadn’t realized how heavy a weight she’d been carrying until that moment. Until the moment she felt it slip from her shoulders - brushed away by painfully gentle touches as she was led into Maiev’s bedroom. 

It was different, now, Delaryn realized. Everything was different. The furniture - the sheets. All of it. 

“When?” She asked breathlessly as Maiev drew her close near the bed and lifted her against herself - her lips hovering over Delaryn’s as she spoke. 

“A long time ago. Too long ago.” She husked quietly in response as she sat her down on the edge of it and pulled back to look into her eyes. Her hands cradled her cheeks as she stood in front of her - her brow furrowed and her ears hanging slightly lower than they might have normally.   
“Why?” She was having trouble breathing. Having trouble controlling anything, really. Especially when she felt Maiev stroking the tears from beneath her eyes. 

“For you.” 

Any response she might have had caught in her throat and she turned her face as her eyes shut tightly. All she could do was press against the roughness of Maiev’s palm as the Commander ran the tip of her nose up the side of her neck and kissed beneath the lobe of her ear. 

“Forgive me.” She tried to make her voice soft. She tried to push the grit out of it. She tried. 

“Will you be here in the morning?” Delaryn asked against her hand - her eyes still shut, albeit more softly now, as Maiev traced the full lines of her lips. 

“Every morning.” 

Delaryn kissed her thumb as it passed over her mouth. And she found she wasn’t very good at talking anymore, either. All she could do was nod faintly. 

And that was more than enough for Maiev. 

No one had ever touched her like this. And she’d have been lying if she’d said she thought Maiev was capable of it. But every inch of her skin that was revealed was brushed with kisses and touches that felt like they were exploring. Learning. 

For the first time - Maiev appreciated every inch of her. From the scar of the wound that had forced her into retirement to the gentle lines of slender muscle in her arms and stomach. Raw emotion turned into something more so quickly it left her head spinning. And when Maiev dropped to her knees in front of where she sat she looked down at her as her chest heaved softly with every breath. 

She expected relief. What she got was something she needed even more than that. Her eyes followed Maiev’s hands as they unlaced her pants and guided them down her legs and then followed her lips as they trailed up her thighs to her stomach. 

The look on the Commander’s face was one she wasn’t at all familiar with. It was so soft it almost hurt to look upon. Her eyes fluttered open now and then but remained mostly shut and she nuzzled just beneath her navel before her lips found the suddenly extremely sensitive skin there. And they just kissed as they had along her thighs. 

Then they parted and Delaryn huffed quietly in response to the feeling of the warm, wet feeling of her tongue against her. 

She left the wet patch of skin to cool against the air and her ear flicked gently against Delaryn’s hand as she reached for it and touched along it before gathering some of her hair in her hand. She didn’t pull it. She just wanted to touch her. She needed to. 

And Maiev stroked slowly up her thighs in response, feeling them flex beneath her touch and kneading them gently when they did. 

When she finally shifted to kiss the soft, dark curls she’d been avoiding until now she looked up at Delaryn - her eyes half-lidded and the glow in them subdued so much Delaryn could see her irises. 

It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. And it stole her breath from her. 

It returned in a sharp gasp when she watched Maiev part her lips and slide her tongue along her - parting and tasting her. Savoring her. 

“Maiev, I...please…” She couldn’t take it anymore. She was coming apart at the seams. 

“Shh.” 

She hissed and nearly pulled her hips away as the response came against her clit - as did the murmur that followed. 

“Be still, my love.” 

Maiev’s eyes fell shut again as she pressed her face closer and cradled Delaryn’s clit with her lips - sucking against it slowly. She missed the look of shock. And the look of utter adoration that followed. 

She could only wrap one of her arms beneath Delaryn’s thigh - supporting it over her shoulder as her free hand ran down the top of her thigh - caressing her knee as her tongue came into play. She mirrored the suction with gentle strokes of it as Delaryn fell back against the bed and her stomach jumped and twitched in time with her shaking moans and whimpers. 

It wasn’t long before Maiev’s hand found her chest - caressing the curves of her breasts and traveling down her tensing abdomen, covering it with a soft, soothing warmth that contrasted harshly with the roughness of her palm. A roughness that was so distinctly Maiev. 

A roughness that stood in stark contrast against everything Maiev was doing. 

And when the older woman’s lips pushed against her - as she drew in a sharp breath against the soft mound of flesh her nose was buried against - Delaryn choked out her name. It was a wonder she’d managed to say it at all as everything she’d thought for so long was ripped from her - mended - and returned to her while her body shook violently with an orgasm that threatened to remove any and all grasp she had left on reality. 

But before she could lose herself, Maiev found her. Moving on top of her and wrapping her in her arms to position her more comfortably along the bed. She expected her to stop. To rest...or even to remove her own clothing - clothing she must have been sweltering in. 

But she did none of those things. 

She found Delaryn’s mouth with her own and parted her lips with her tongue - teasing Delaryn’s into play even as she still struggled to breathe. 

The younger woman had tasted herself on Maiev’s lips before. But this...this was sweet beyond imagining. And she took it upon herself to remove the clothing that still separated her from the other woman. 

Her hands worked at the strips of Maiev’s suit between them - pulling at them gently until they were undone and then parting the suit at her chest to tug it down her arms. She relished the feeling of tensed, hard muscle beneath her touch and whimpered when Maiev broke their kiss and nudged her head to the side. Where before there would have been teeth now there was only the sensation of lips brushing down the line of her jaw and soft, quick breaths against her skin. 

Maiev helped her as she began pulling at the rest of her clothes until she was as bare as Delaryn was and once she was she pulled Delaryn’s hips up into her lap and slid her legs out slowly until they rested on either side of her. 

She didn’t say anything. For once - she felt she didn’t need to. She let her eyes speak for her. She let her lips and her hands and the catch in her breath speak words she couldn’t articulate. She turned her head to the side to kiss the inside of Delaryn’s knee as she touched down the back of her thigh with the hand that wasn’t already moving between them - her palm resting on the inside of her leg and her thumb gathering the wetness that glistened between her legs - drawing it towards her clit and stroking slow, light circles around it while she teased at her entrance with the tip of her middle finger. 

It was all Delaryn could do just to hold onto sheets that hadn’t been used when Maiev slid her finger into her. Sheets that had been brought here for her. For them. 

She came again - cradled against Maiev’s lap with one of her arms wrapped around her quivering thigh and her back arched from the bed and her lips parted in a silent cry that turned into a series of shuddering breaths. 

Maiev withdrew from her slowly - breathing heavily against her leg as she rested her forehead against it. But only for a moment before she untangled herself from the younger woman and shifted over her, pulling her into her arms as she half-fell onto her side. 

For the longest time, she just held her and ran her fingertips along her side - using the motion of her hand to calm Delaryn’s breathing and the racing of her heart. 

Once Delaryn managed to move she struggled to turn onto her stomach - lifting herself onto her forearms as her hair fell into her face before her forehead met the bed and a shudder wracked every inch of her body. 

“You’re alright.” Maiev’s voice was more raspy than usual as she moved so she was leaned half over her - rubbing her back and pressing kisses to her shoulders. 

“Fuck.” 

Maiev smiled against her warm skin and dipped her head down, drawing Delaryn’s hair to the side so she could nibble lightly along her ear which drew a soft groan from the younger woman. 

“Tired?” She asked against the tip of it before dragging her lips back down - trailing a warm breath in her wake and hooking one of her legs against the one nearest her, drawing it towards herself and dropping her hand to stroke along the curve of her ass. 

Truth be told - she was. She was exhausted. Drained. 

But in the best possible way. And when she was spread again - spread and filled by long, deft fingers that began pumping into her languidly- she shook her head. She wasn’t too tired for this. 

The sight of Delaryn’s toned back shifting as she began rolling her hips to deepen every stroke Maiev gave her was one the Commander found herself entranced by. And her eyes trailed along the younger woman’s body as the soft, desperate panting that had served as breathing for her for quite some time now returned with a vengeance. 

“Slow down.” Maiev murmured against her shoulder - nipping at her skin without catching any of it in her teeth when they shut against each other. She almost stopped her own movements entirely until Delaryn managed to listen - every inch of her trembling as the movements of her hips became less frantic and turned to almost serpentine rolls. She’d dragged most of the sheets from the head of the bed into her fists beneath herself and her face was pressed into the bundle she was now hanging onto. 

Only then did Maiev continue - slowly pushing a third finger in beside the first two as Delaryn spread her other leg to the side only serving to open herself further for the other woman - lifting her hips higher off the bed and pushing back against her hand.   
This allowed her deeper and Delaryn groaned - low and desperate in the back of her throat. All Maiev could think of as she felt wetness slip down the back of her hand was how she wanted to taste her again. How she wanted to feel her come against her mouth. 

She was on her back with her head beneath Delaryn’s hips without even having to pull her fingers from her and when her tongue began flicking against her clit the other woman’s hand shot down between her own legs, holding her head where it was and rocking against her tongue. 

This time when she came it was followed by a rasping cry that tore from her throat and was half muffled in the fists of cloth her face was buried in. 

She didn’t have the energy to pull her hips away. Thankfully - Maiev could tell by the way she whimpered wordlessly and the way her hips twitched that she’d had enough and pulled away. She landed on her side and tugged Delaryn into her arms. 

Every inch of her was sensitive, it seemed. So much so that Maiev pulled the sheets over her and wrapped her in them before holding her against her chest. 

She tried to open her eyes - tried so hard to look at Maiev - but her head spun every time and eventually, she turned her face towards the bed. 

Only when Maiev gathered her sweat-dampened hair away from the nape of her neck and blew across it did she begin to calm down. To finally gather herself enough to draw adequate air into her lungs, though her heart still raced against her rib cage as though it would leave her or stop altogether at any moment. 

“If...you….if you aren’t...h...here…when…”

“I will be.” Maiev cut her off adamantly but followed the firm statement with a press of her lips to the younger woman’s cheek. “You have my word.” 

Delaryn fell silent again, then, and just existed for a while as waves of warmth passed through her and the occasional shudders came less and less frequently. 

“I have to get up for a moment. Don’t move.” 

Delaryn would have laughed at that if she could have right then. Move, indeed. 

By the time Maiev returned all she’d managed was to roll onto her back - her sated, content gaze focused on the ceiling - and at nothing in particular - until it came to rest on Maiev. 

Oh, she was gorgeous. It was rare that Delaryn got to appreciate her like this. A roadmap of scars and muscle mixed with the curve of her thighs and her breasts and the hair that had escaped from its tie hanging around her shoulders. 

And the softness on her face that hadn’t left. The softness beneath jagged scars and hard features. 

Delaryn rested her hands on her own stomach - one of her legs drawn up at the knee and the other splayed across the bed. She smiled. A soft little shift at the corners of her lips - and it seemed that was enough to bring Maiev closer. She hadn’t really noticed the damp cloth until she felt it between her legs. It was warm. Maiev had taken care to make sure of that. And it soothed even as it cleaned and Maiev kissed across her chest - adding an element of softness to something that might have otherwise felt like just a necessity. 

Once she was satisfied the cloth was discarded and she finally allowed herself to lay down with her head on Delaryn’s chest. 

It felt different now when the younger woman traced the lines that marred her face. She just couldn’t put her finger on why. Perhaps because she could accept it for what it was, now. Love. Delaryn loved her...so much more than she had thought. 

And she wouldn’t run from it any longer. She would run towards it. Like a fool. 

But run she did. 

For years. 

Years of nights spent passionately or subdued but always together. 

Years of mornings waking in one another’s arms. 

Even if she had to leave before Delaryn - she would still wake her. With kisses or murmurs or touches. Until she was certain the younger woman knew she was going. Knew she would be back. 

Sometimes they fought. When they were Commander and Captain. And sometimes even when they were simply themselves. 

But it was hard to stay mad at someone whose arms you wanted nothing more than to be held by. 

The drift helped. It always did. The drift was where Delaryn could know, unequivocally, that Maiev felt the things she couldn’t say. Felt them with every fiber of her being. But she showed her the words she couldn’t say. 

She always showed her. 

By wiping her tears when she cried. 

By telling her everything she was able to tell her. Always the truth, though. 

By protecting her...by being protected _by_ her. 

Allowing her in - more and more each day. Until Delaryn knew her, perhaps, better than she knew herself.

...By staying.

"Say You Love Me"

Say you love me to my face  
I'm needing more than your embrace  
Just say you want me, that's all it takes  
Heart's getting torn from your mistakes

'Cause I don't wanna fall in love  
If you don't wanna try,  
But all that I've been thinking of  
Is maybe that you might  
Babe, it looks as though we're running out of words to say  
And love's floating away

Just say you love me, just for today  
And don't give me time 'cause that's not the same  
Want to feel burning flames when you say my name  
Want to feel passion flow into my bones  
Like blood through my veins

'Cause I don't wanna fall in love  
If you don't wanna try,  
But all that I've been thinking of  
Is maybe that you might  
And, babe, it looks as though we're running out of words to say  
And love's floating away

Won't you stay?  
Won't you stay?  
Slowly, slowly you unfold me,  
But do you know me at all?  
Someone told me love controls everything,  
But only if you know

'Cause I don't wanna fall in love  
No no no no no  
If you don't wanna try  
Just try sometimes  
But all that I've been thinking of  
I just think  
Is maybe that you might  
You might

'Cause I don't wanna fall in love  
If you don't wanna try  
But all that I've been thinking of  
Is maybe that you might  
And, babe, it looks as though we're running out of words to say  
And love's floating away

Won't you stay?  
Won't you stay?


End file.
